


One Hundred Yesterdays (Part 3)

by QuietDarkness



Series: Simplicity and Complexity (Harrisco) [21]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M, harrisco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 01:55:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11003562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietDarkness/pseuds/QuietDarkness
Summary: Harry is home, but things don't feel as they should until Cisco helps him realize that sometimes the only way to heal is to break first.'Opposites don't just attract. They catch fire and burn the entire city down.'(Part 21)





	One Hundred Yesterdays (Part 3)

_'That's the thing about pain; it demands to be felt...' -Anonymous_

* * *

It was too quiet. Every heartbeat, every breath, every slight rustle of clothing was more like harsh snare drums in Harry's ears. And even though he knew he was safe, that he was home and he didn't have to struggle anymore, there was a terrible hyper-vigilance settled into everything he did. He was currently in the med lab, sitting on the gurney in the dark. Caitlin had gone to rest in one of the makeshift guest rooms. Barry had left. Jesse had passed out in the chair beside the gurney, curled in on herself, looking far too exhausted. And Cisco had somehow ended up on the floor, stretched out on his stomach with his face buried half in a crumpled up sweatshirt. Harry could hear their combined steady breathing, and even in the shadows that played on their features, Harry could see the concern on Jesse and Cisco's faces. 

Seeing them again had been... amazing. Joy was just not a strong enough word for what he'd felt. Neither was relief. He'd laughed and clung to each of them, absolutely afraid it was all some sort of dream. Knowing they were real, able to be touched and held, had nearly taken all the resolve out of him. All this time he'd managed to keep it together, stay strong and resilient, and seeing them turned him into a mess in an instant. Jesse refused to leave his side, hugging him and holding his hand and smiling through happy tears. Cisco couldn't stop talking, bringing Harry up to speed on everything, explaining his run in with 'Not-Tess'. Honestly, Ramon could have talked about snails on a race track and Harry would have been overjoyed to hear it.

But that was hours ago. 

Now he just felt numb.

Caitlin had given him a thorough examination. And though he had some new scars she didn't like, she'd declared him as healthy as before he disappeared. He couldn't really explain why. All he knew for sure was that the Watcher, which was what he and Cisco were calling Hope-Not-Tess now, had a hand in it. She'd taken his weakness away, given him back the fortitude he'd begun to lack. Honestly, he felt better physically than he had in a very long time. But mentally?

That he wasn't sure about.

He let his eyes wander from Cisco to Jesse. Here he was with the two most important people in his life. He was alive. He was home. So why did he feel so out of sorts? Was it just a matter of waiting for the other shoe to drop, or was there more to it? Had being alone for so long, constantly fighting just to make it from one day to the next, damaged him in a way that wasn't physical? He was smart enough to know that there was bound to be some backlash from it all, some sort of post traumatic stress to deal with. No one could just bounce back instantly from what he'd been through. And though he would never let himself be weak, he knew that not even he was strong enough to stave off the emotional turmoil that was bound to come. 

And yet...

He was fine. He really was. He wasn't even angry about what he'd been through. He didn't want to even think on it anymore. He just wanted to let it all go, to move on and forget it ever happened. He was completely prepared to just get off that gurney and go back to work, or fight a meta, or sit in front of the television and watch one of Cisco's awful science fiction movies, or talk Jesse through a particularly stubborn problem. Maybe that was the problem... maybe being okay wasn't okay.

Maybe his eventual breakdown was simply a matter of time. 

Harry heard Cisco move, then. As quiet and subtle as it was, it caught his attention. And he was looking at him again, watching as Cisco rolled onto his side, the long, dark strands of his hair covering some of his face. He could admit, he'd missed that. He'd missed so very much, both small things like this, and bigger things too numerous to name. His whole life had been stalled in an endless cascade of miserable, hard nights and exhausting days. One hundred and one of them. But that was yesterday. Tonight? Well, tonight he was staring at the one person in existence who actually loved him. Besides Jesse, of course. 

Slowly, he slipped off the gurney, booted feet hitting the floor with barely a sound. The feel of clean, not torn and warn out clothes was almost odd to him now. But he moved over to Cisco, staring down at him for a long moment, just watching his husband breathe. Wisps of Ramon's hair floated up and down with each breath. It was ridiculous, and perfect. Harry crouched slowly, reaching over with rough fingers to brush Cisco's hair out of his face. Being able to touch him again whenever he wanted was enough to make his heart hurt, in the best way possible of course. Though they had discussed it many times in the past, part of Harry would never truly understand what it was Cisco saw in him. How anyone as intelligent, witty, good and loving as Cisco could love someone as hard and dark as him would probably always be beyond his understanding. But he could live with that.

Cisco stirred only slightly, letting out a slight sigh, his face turning instinctively into Harry's hand. And for a wonderful moment, Harry just caressed Cisco's cheek. "God, I've missed you..." he whispered, his voice barely registering in the silence around them. He closed his eyes for a moment, hesitating for a long time before pulling his hand back and letting Cisco sleep. Something he couldn't do right then, mostly because he just wasn't tired. He should have been, he knew that. But he couldn't get his head to shut up long enough for sleep to be even remotely attainable. 

So he wandered.

The halls of S.T.A.R. Labs were both familiar and strange. After weeks of never ending gray skies and identical trees, the colors and the lights and the shining floors of this place were almost alien to him. He went everywhere he could, just taking it all in, needing to feel at home, wanting to remember what it was all like. The Cortex, the Pipeline, the empty offices, the labs, the garage, even the kitchen. Seeing fresh fruit sitting on a table in a wooden bowl had made a strange strangled sound escape his throat. When he continued wandering again, it was with a bright green apple in one hand. It was far more juicy than he ever remembered apples tasting. 

He wasn't sure how long he walked around for, but eventually he ended up on the roof.

The sky was black, but he could see the stars. He hadn't even realized how much he'd missed them, those twinkling spots of unending light that littered the night sky in points of focus. He stared up at them for so long that he was pretty sure his neck was going to be sore later. But he just couldn't help it. And the air... it smelled so different than what he'd grown used to. No wet, damp chill. Just the combined city scents that made no sense together yet somehow still seemed pleasant. 

"Since when do you eat apples?" He heard Cisco ask from behind him, and he nearly dropped the mostly eaten fruit on the gravel beneath his feet as he startled, turning and taking in a deep breath, letting it out slow. Cisco looked worried at his reaction, his hands pulling slowly out of his pockets.

"Sorry. You startled me." Harry said, his voice not really carrying far, as though he was afraid to damage the quiet of the world around him. He glanced at the apple in his hand a moment, then shrugged. "There weren't apples... over there." Was his answer to Cisco's question. He looked back at the shorter man, and felt a pit in his stomach at the look on Cisco's face. Ramon seemed to be stuck in a state of perpetual worry, as though he were afraid that Harry wasn't as healthy as Caitlin said he was. Or maybe he was just as worried as Harry was that this might all be a dream. For a long time, they just sort of stared at each other. This was their first real moment alone since he'd come back, and it felt strangely new to him. He should have dropped the damn apple and closed the distance, pull Cisco into his arms, drown the man in a kiss like he'd dreamed about so many hundreds of times. But he couldn't. All he could do was stand there, silent and still. And he had no idea why. Thankfully, it was Cisco who broke the quiet. 

"I feel like I should be saying something..." he said, a slow blush creeping into his cheeks. It made Harry sigh instantly. "But what do I say?" His voice cracked a little. It was almost funny, to think Cisco was at a loss for words. After all, he hadn't really shut up till he passed out on the floor. But all of that was more like words to fill space, ramblings of things that had transpired in Harry's absence. Nothing too terribly important. And right now, this moment, needed more than that. And yet, Harry had no response as Cisco's sorrowful eyes examined his form all over again. How many times had he done that now? It was like Cisco wanted to make sure Harry was really there, and in one piece. "I know," Cisco seemed to force himself into thinking straight, meeting Harry's gaze, "That this is gonna take time. I mean... I can't even begin to understand what you went through... or how hard it was..."

"Ramon, stop." Harry heard himself say, probably a little harsher than he'd meant, then blinked as Cisco's mouth closed and his expression became confused. Harry glanced at the apple in his hand, turning slowly, Cisco now at his back once more. "I don't want it to take time." He said clearly, turning the half eaten fruit in his palm. 

And then he threw it. As hard as he could. It sailed into the darkness, disappearing somewhere in the parking lot below. He didn't even hear it hit the ground. He might have, maybe, if he'd waited long enough. But he was turning as soon as the apple left his palm, and he closed the distance between himself and Cisco as quickly as he could.

The result was a probably too tight hug, Harry burying his face in Cisco's neck and hair, and Cisco letting out a gasp before clinging back to him for dear life. The air just came out of Harry's lungs, then. His legs turned into pudding, and they were both down on their knees, not even bothering to stop the descent. Cisco was crying, Harry could feel it. Even though he was trying so hard not to, there were small shudders going through Ramon's body, shaken breaths escaping easily. Harry, however, just breathed. He took in the smell of Cisco's shampoo, the salt in his skin, the warmth in his form. He squeezed his eyes shut, fingers curled into Cisco's shirt enough to tighten it around Ramon's form. 

"I missed you so much, Harry. So much." Cisco said through his tears, his arms tightening even more around Harry. "I knew you were alive. I never stopped trying to get to you. I'm so sorry it took so long. God, I'm sorry." He sobbed softly, and Harry had to force himself to let go, to separate himself from Ramon so he could hold Cisco's tear streaked face in his hands, to stare into the pair of chocolate brown eyes he'd dreamed about endlessly. "Please forgive me." Cisco tried to whisper, closing his eyes and curling his hands around Harry's wrists. 

"Cisco, no... this..." Harry sighed out, his eyes burning, tears of his own threatening. "This wasn't your fault, you hear me?" He stroked his thumbs over Cisco's cheekbones, taking in a deep breath and letting out a sigh that nearly deflated him. It was then that he realized that he hadn't been the only one in hell. And it awed him. Because Harry being trapped on another Earth that was akin to a post-apocalyptic world had been hell for Cisco. And it had been hell for Cisco because he loved Harry. Far more than Harry had ever allowed himself to believe was possible. That knowledge undid Harrison Wells, turned him inside out and exposed his broken pieces for all the world to see, and for once Harry was glad for that. Because it felt a whole lot more real than just being okay. "God, I... I love you." He mumbled, the tears finally escaping. "You hear me, Ramon?" He demanded, Cisco's eyes opened and widened when he saw Harry's tears. "I love you." He whispered it that time, closing his eyes. And then he was crying. Really crying.

And Cisco held him through it. He pulled Harry into him and just let him sob. He didn't say anything else, he didn't try to stop him. If anything, Cisco actually seemed a little relieved. All that loneliness, fatigue, sorrow, anger, need, and more just poured out of Harry. Months of bottling up anything close to real feelings overflowed, spilled out of him like water through a broken dam. And when it was over, when the air had once again grown quiet and calm, and all he could feel was Cisco all around him, Harry knew for certain that he really wasn't okay. And honestly, as far as moving on went, that was a pretty damn good start...

* * *

_'Stay close to anyone that makes you glad that you're alive.' -Anonymous_

* * *

Cisco didn't know how long they'd sat up on the roof, but it was still dark by the time they got to their feet and Cisco took Harry's hand, leading him back inside. They'd both grown quiet, walking the empty halls. Harry didn't seem to care what the destination would be. After crying it out like he had, Harry just seemed strangely content and slightly tired. It was odd how much that comforted Cisco. He'd been so worried about Harry's lack of real emotion. At first Harry'd been so happy. Shit, they all had. But then he had just grown quiet, still, far too calm. If Cisco had been in his place, he'd have broken down right at the start. But not Harry. Cisco was glad it had been with him that he finally let it all loose, that Harry needed him that much. And he was even more glad that Harry was so easily holding onto him, as apparently unwilling to let go as Cisco was.

Their fingers were entwined, palms together as they headed back to the Cortex. When they eventually reached the med-lab, they found Jesse curled up on the gurney, the blanket pulled up right to her nose. She'd probably woken up, found them both gone and figured Cisco had things handled. The poor girl was exhausted. She deserved a good night's rest. Hell, they all did. Cisco glanced at Harry as he let go of his hand, stepping quietly further into the room, leaving Cisco in the doorway. Harry stopped at Jesse's bedside, very softly stroking her hair. She didn't even budge. And Harry bent over, placing a chaste kiss on her brow. Cisco couldn't imagine what it was like for him, to be back home with his daughter after months of not knowing if he'd ever see her again. He didn't have kids of his own, but Cisco was pretty sure if he did and he'd been through that hell, he'd have been a total mess right now. 

But Harry just smiled at her sleeping form with adoration before moving back toward Cisco. For a moment, they just stared at each other. It was so surreal, honestly. All this time pining for Harry, wishing he could see those stormy blue eyes, dreaming about arguing with him, wondering if they'd ever be together again, and now he was here. He was real and alive and standing right in front of him. And the thought made Cisco sigh almost tenderly. Harry just watched him, only moving when Cisco took his hand again and gently pulled him back into walking. There was so much they should talk about. And they would, at some point. But the quiet seemed right, the silence seemed needed. The night that carried on outside and the stillness in the building seemed to be the permission they needed not to make a sound. It wasn't till Cisco finally lead Harry to a guest room, which was really a converted office with a cheap bed, that Harry stopped.

His feet planted right in the doorway as Cisco flipped on the light and turned back to look at him. "You need to sleep." Cisco urged, still holding onto Harry's hand, their arms outstretched. "In a bed." He added, watching an almost uncertain expression pass over Harry's face. It dawned on Cisco then how unreal this must seem to him after months of sleeping on cold, hard ground. But before Cisco could say anything about it, Harry took one steady step in, shortening the distance between them.

"Only if you stay." He said, his gruff voice pulling Cisco's attention to Harry's eyes. Honestly, Cisco was going to leave Harry alone, to let him rest in peace. Harry must have sensed it because his seemingly strange demand was right on the money. And the way Harry was looking at him, with such hope and yearning, how the hell could Cisco possibly say no?

A moment later, they'd kicked off their boots and were curled up under the blankets in the dark. They were facing each other, and it was almost not enough. Being able to feel Harry's warmth, to tangle their legs together, to hold onto him again... it was so wonderful that it almost hurt. Harry's quiet stare held his own, the perfect feel of Harry's fingers moving through his dark strands made Cisco sigh out comfortably. If this wasn't what Heaven was like, then Cisco never wanted to go. It was so quiet again, so perfectly still except for the sound of the ventilation system pumping clean air and their own steady breathing. Ramon couldn't remember ever being so content with silence before. Now? He could live in it forever as long as Harry was with him.

Cisco would never be able to put into words how bruised his heart still felt. Knowing that Harry had spent every single day and night for months clawing his way through survival was enough to silently kill Ramon every time he thought about it. And now that Harry was finally home, Cisco had no idea how to help. How did anyone take those sorts of memories away? How did anyone take away that kind of pain? It was bound to linger, bound to hit Harry from time to time. Cisco was mentally preparing himself for an angry, subdued, maybe even spiteful Harry. But so far, what he'd gotten was a tall, silent, broken genius. He didn't know if he would ever be enough to help Harry through the days to come, but he wasn't ever going to give up on him. No matter how hard it might get, Cisco Ramon was going to stick by Harrison Wells to the bitter end. He'd give this man all the love and devotion and time he could possibly need. It was the very least he could do. After all, Harry wasn't even angry at him. 

Not once did Harry blame him for not coming sooner. Not once had Harry given up his hold on what they shared. Harry had held on with both hands to his memories and feelings for the people he loved and cared about most, certain that one way or another they would find him and bring him home. It sobered Cisco to think that Harry had no idea how amazing that was, or how incredible his heart truly is.

As the promise of sleep settled in around them, Harry blinked at him, eyelids heavy with growing tiredness. And Cisco gave him a small smile, inching just a bit closer, wanting as little space between them as comfortably possible. What he hadn't expected, however, was for Harry to move in that much more. One moment they were just staring at one another, and the next Cisco was relaxing into a far too tender, heart-aching kiss. Both of them seemed cautious, for their own reasons. Cisco didn't want to push things, didn't want to rush this. Harry probably wasn't sure it was even welcome, because that's just how his head worked and Cisco knew it. But the warm and soft tangle of lips turned into the most delicate touch of tongues and perfectly warm sighs into each others mouths. 

As far as kisses went, it was not what anyone would call passionate. And yet there was just so much to it, so much said without a single word. It ended as gently as it had started, and Harry let out one very deep breath without ever opening his eyes, pressing their foreheads together and relaxing completely. Cisco smiled, he couldn't help it. He felt a tear escape, seeping into the pillow beneath his head, and he was perfectly okay with that. "I love you." He whispered to Harry. And in the shadows that painted Harry's features, he saw the most subtle curve of his lips into a barely recognizable smile of his own. 

"I love you, too, Ramon. Always have. Always will." Harry whispered back. And Cisco closed his eyes, breath escaping his lungs as a few more quiet tears escaped. It was all so perfect. And not a dream. Definitely not a dream. Harry was alive and home and real. And if Cisco had his way, he was never letting Harry go ever again...

**Author's Note:**

> (To be continued...)


End file.
